E’rybody a Grinch Up in Here

At Grinch trivia

You’re a bad girl, Carly B
You really mess me up
You’re a dangerous corrupting force
That twists me up in knots, Carly B
But also drag me out of ruts

You’re an odd one, Michelle Reid
Even though you are my twin
You are almost everything I am
And also what I wish I’d been, Michelle Reid
Please don’t kick me in the shin

I’m out of lyrics, Matty Gats
I’ve run out of clever rhymes
Uh, the chainsaw sharpner’s on the way
So tell me if it’s dull, Matty Gats
Something something that rhymes with rhymes

Sorry I didn’t put as much effort into you’re verse as for the girls, but to be fair, you didn’t show me YOUR boobs

Carly I didn’t
Michelle Or me

Can I get two bottles of wine here?

Hey, this is on you two. You try to pull me out of my shell, and this is what you get. 🤷

At Christmas

You’re my sister, Lili dear
Or at least, that’s what I’m told
I always thought that you were switched at birth
I was never really sold
Lili dear
But I still love you now that you’re old 😀

– Not Geisel & Hague

REAL prediction

I’m sick of people using the terms “prediction” or “prophecy” for things that are clearly NOT those. It’s NOT a prediction to say that the sun will come up tomorrow or a prophecy to say that people will die in a country embroiled in a war or magicians with a pet TIGER might get hurt. Gee, who could posssssibly have predicted that? 🙄 That’s just common sense and cold-reading, à la so-called psychics and mediums like the Biggest Douche in the Universe, John Edwards, per the South Park episode of the same name. Saying obvious things or extremely vague and ambiguous ideas is WORTHLESS.

Moreover, it’s meaningless if someone does something, KNOWING of the prediction. Like how Adolph Hitler was fully aware of Nostradamus’ works talking about an antichrist called “Hister”, and intentionally tried to lean into to it to make it sound like it’s about him. And certainly not if the “prediction” comes AFTER the event itself, like how The Simpsons did NOT predict Trump going down the escalator after announcing running for office, that aired 29 days AFTER he did it.

Here’s a REAL prediction:

On Tuesday, Sep 25, 2025, at 12:47:55pm, Donald Trump will eat a BLT with American “cheese”, with a side of sweet-potato curly-fries and a diet Sprite at the Denny’s in Butte, Montana after it re-opens, served by Sarah Mary-Bell Andrews and cooked by Michael Plovins, but it will be contaminated with e-coli, and cause him to have terrible diarrhea, which will be caught on camera by KXLF 4, reported on by Edgar Cedillo, which then gets worldwide attention, destroying the image of the USA and causing Jinping and Putin to launch synchronized invasions, making Red Dawn become reality, on Sunday Nov, 16, 2025 at 03:44:17am, which resistance-fighters in the future will call…

Skibi Day Toilet

The Ultimate Insult

Regardless of the culture or language, most insults and expletives tend to revolve around gross stuff like bodily waste, sexual acts, and familial insults, especially of mothers.

By that logic, the ultimate universal insult is: I had sex with your mother’s poop! 🍆🤱💩

Wait a second… 🤔 😕

Maybe some things are less than the sum of their parts. 🤷

So “far off”

Some people are jerks. There’s no question about it, some people are just pure and simple jerks who will take any opportunity to be jerks, including pretending to not understand what someone is saying. I’ve seen it for myself.

The secretary

A long time ago, my mother had an appointment in a government office. She went to the office and approached the secretary, stated her name and said she had “an appointment with someone on Team 3, with someone named Rick, or something like that”. She said she wasn’t sure about the name, but it was something like “Rick”, but it was definitely with someone on Team 3 (there were six “teams” in the office with two or three people per team).

The secretary said she wasn’t familiar with an employee in the office named Rick. My mother reiterated that she wasn’t certain it was Rick, but it was someone on Team 3 at this time with her (she re-gave her name). The secretary then proceeded to spend 20 minutes searching for someone named Rick.

Eventually, another employee walked by, and the secretary flagged her down and asked her if she knew someone named Rick (my mother chimed in with “or something that like that, on Team 3”), and the other employee said there was a guy on Team 3 named Eric.

The secretary said “oh, ehhhhhh-rick”. Needless to say, my mother exhibited a herculean resistance to rip into the secretary. 🤦 ¬_¬

The vendor

Another time, my mother went to a farmer’s market with a few family members, specifically, with her—give me a second—her cousin’s aunt, the aunt’s husband, and their two daughters. Her cousin’s aunt and uncle-in-law didn’t grow up in North America, so they had accents, but their daughters grew up here, so they spoke English just fine.

At one booth, he asked the vendor how much the strawberries were, but with his accent, it sounded like “estrawberries” (it’s pretty common for non-native English speakers to precede words that start with an ‘s’ followed by a consonant with an ‘e’).

The vendor then spent a few minutes pretending to not understand what he was asking about. This one wasn’t stupid like the secretary was, this one was just a racist prick. 😒

The donut

I had my own experience with pricks pretending to not understand. A couple of years ago, when I was out of town, I had a Tim Horton’s coffee during their yearly Roll-up-the-rim-to-win contest and won a free donut. I kept the cup, brought it home with me, and took it to Tim Horton’s. I went in and presented it to the girl at the counter and asked for a cruller. She contorted her face and said “A what? 🤨” A cruller, I repeated and pointed at the crullers. She said, “oh, you mean a croooooler”. ¬_¬ I just nodded and took my donut and left, but if I didn’t have crippling social-anxiety disorder, or better yet, if I were Samuel L. Jackson, I’d have said “No, bi—! I mean a mother-f— crUH-ler!”. 😒

There is no way in hell that she could ever convince me that no customer ever has pronounced it the way that I did, which I only do because I learned it that way because that’s how almost everybody pronounces it. She works in a mofo donut shop and crullers are one of the most popular donuts. Unless she just started working there, there’s 0% chance that she’s never heard it said this way. 🙄

Fat and Gay

When I was in elementary school, starting in fourth grade, we had to start taking French (because Canada). Unfortunately, fourth grade was also the same year that Scott transferred to our school and immediately began bullying me. (Apparently he was also bullying other kids, but all I knew was that he kept picking on me.)

One day in French class, our teacher was having us practice by having kids use other kids’ names in a sentence. Not surprisingly, with my luck, she happened to pick the worst possible combination of kids and sentence. She told Scott to say that Alec is tired.

Without missing a beat, beaming with a smile at the free opportunity to do a bit of “clever” bullying that he had been dealt, Scott proclaimed loudly, Alec is fat and gay.

😒

Gee, who would have expected that? ¬_¬

But it gets better (or worse, depending on your perspective). Also without missing a beat, the teacher corrected him by enunciating, Non Scott, “Alec est fatigué.

Bitch, he knew exactly what he was doing! 🤦 It wasn’t a mistake, it was on purpose. Duh. 🙄

I don’t know which is worse, that she didn’t see the obvious opportunity for bullying, that she didn’t know that he was a bully, or that she actually thought it was mistake and was too dense to realize it was intentional.

The whole point to teacher’s college is to teach educators about non-academic stuff like handling children. That was a pretty epic fail.

Of course, at the time, I was absolutely mortified, but now, as an adult, I can look back on it and laugh. It is pretty hilarious. 🤷